The medical field can be quite the serious place. But that doesn’t mean medical professionals can’t enjoy a few chuckles from time-to-time. So we compiled the Top 50 of our favorite (and funniest) doctor jokes sure to get a laugh out of even our most serious front-line workers. Enjoy:)
Fair warning: the cheesiness of many are borderline dad jokes.
Top 50 Doctor Jokes
- Why did the doctor carry a red pen? In case they needed to draw blood.
- What do you call a doctor who fixes broken websites? A URLologist.
- Why did the doctor go to art school? To learn how to draw blood.
- Why did the doctor bring a pair of scissors to a soccer match? He heard there were some cut injuries.
- What’s a doctor’s favorite type of music? Hip-op.
- What did the doctor say to the invisible man? “I’m sorry, but I just can’t see you right now.”
- Why do doctors always carry a pen? They want to be able to give you a prescription at a moment’s notice.
- What’s a doctor’s favorite type of punctuation? A suture.
- What do you call a surgeon who only operates on hands? A palm reader.
- Why did the doctor go to the beach? To catch some Vitamin Sea.
- Why did the doctor join a gym? To get more patients.
- What do you call a doctor who moonlights as a DJ? A spin doctor.
- Why do doctors love coffee? It helps them stay grounded.
- What’s a doctor’s favorite type of candy? A Lifesaver.
- Why did the doctor take up gardening? To cultivate more patients.
- What do you call a doctor who only treats zebras? A zebriatrician.
- Why do doctors love to watch comedies? They’re always looking for the best medicine.
- What do you call a doctor who loves to dance? A disco-ologist.
- What do you call a doctor who’s good at math? A fractionist.
- Why did the doctor carry a flashlight? To find the light at the end of the stethoscope.
- What do you call a doctor who only treats clowns? A giggliatrician.
- Why did the doctor start a baking business? To knead the dough.
- What do you call a doctor who only works on Tuesdays? A choosedayologist.
- What do you call a doctor who specializes in laughter? A chuckleologist.
- Why do doctors always carry an umbrella? To protect themselves from the flu.
- What do you call a doctor who only treats penguins? An icebergiatrician.
- Why did the doctor get a job at the bank? To keep an eye on his patients’ pulse rates.
- What do you call a doctor who specializes in noses? A scentist.
- Why did the doctor go to the moon? To treat lunar ticks.
- What do you call a doctor who only treats movie stars? A stargiatrist.
- Why did the doctor become a baseball player? To work on his patients.
- What do you call a doctor who can never find their keys? A lock-titian.
- Why did the doctor become a baker? He wanted to make some dough.
- What do you call a doctor who treats bees? An apiarist.
- Why did the doctor go to the jungle? To practice his wild medicine.
- What’s a doctor’s favorite board game? Operation.
- Why did the doctor become a hairstylist? To treat split ends.
- What do you call a doctor who only treats superheroes? A marvelologist.
- Why did the doctor start a band? To help heal the world with music.
- What do you call a doctor who only treats ghosts? A spookiatrist.
- Why did the doctor go to the gym? To strengthen his patients.
- What do you call a doctor who only treats
- What do you call a doctor who only treats cowboys? A yee-hawlogist.
- Why did the doctor go to the Olympics? To get a gold in patient care.
- What do you call a doctor who only treats rabbits? A hareologist.
- Why did the doctor become a gardener? To help his patients grow.
- What do you call a doctor who works in a haunted house? A scare-practitioner.
- Why did the doctor go to outer space? To treat alien-ments.
- What do you call a doctor who can play the guitar? A strum-atologist.
- Why did the doctor become a pilot? To help people get over their fear of flying.
And just for good measure, a few others:
A man walks into a doctor’s office with a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear, and a banana in his right ear. He looks at the doctor and says, “Doc, I don’t feel so good. What’s wrong with me?” The doctor replies, “Well, for starters, you’re not eating properly!”
A doctor and a lawyer were attending a party when the doctor was approached by a man who asked for advice on how to handle his sore throat. The doctor explained what to do and then walked away. Turning to the lawyer, the doctor said, “Can you believe that? He asked me for advice, and I gave it to him. Should I send him a bill?” The lawyer replied, “Absolutely! You should.” The next day, the doctor sent the man a bill. The following day, the doctor received a bill from the lawyer.
A man goes to the doctor and says, “Doctor, I have a terrible memory. I can’t remember anything for more than a few minutes.” The doctor replies, “Hmm, that’s interesting. How long has this been happening?” The man looks puzzled and says, “How long has what been happening?”
A doctor is giving a talk at a local community center about the importance of a healthy diet. As he’s speaking, a member of the audience raises their hand and says, “Doctor, what’s the secret to living a long, healthy life?” The doctor responds, “Eat well, exercise regularly, and avoid arguing with your spouse.” The audience member asks, “Really? Will that make me live longer?” The doctor replies, “No, but it’ll certainly feel like it.”
A man goes to the doctor and says, “Doctor, I think I’m addicted to Twitter.” The doctor looks at him and says, “I’m sorry, I don’t follow you.”
A doctor is giving a lecture on the harmful effects of alcohol. To demonstrate his point, he fills a glass with alcohol and drops a worm into it. The worm dies almost instantly. The doctor turns to the audience and asks, “What does this teach us?” A voice from the back of the room shouts, “If you drink alcohol, you’ll never have worms!”
A woman goes to the doctor and says, “Doctor, I have this terrible problem. Every time I sneeze, I have an intense, uncontrollable orgasm.” The doctor replies, “Well, that’s certainly an unusual problem. Are you taking anything for it?” The woman answers, “Pepper.”
A man goes to the doctor with a piece of lettuce sticking out of his ear. The doctor looks at him and says, “Sir, I’m afraid you have a serious case of salad-ear.” The man, clearly puzzled, replies, “But doctor, that can’t be right. It’s just the tip of the iceberg!”
A doctor and a lawyer are at a party when a woman suddenly collapses. The doctor rushes over to help, and the lawyer follows. As the doctor begins to examine the woman, the lawyer leans in and whispers, “Doctor, do you need any legal assistance in case anything goes wrong?” The doctor glares at him and replies, “No, I think I can handle this. But just out of curiosity, when you’re in court, do you ever ask for medical help?”
And what would a joke list be without a fart joke…
A man goes to the doctor and complains, “Doc, I’ve got a really embarrassing problem. I can’t stop passing gas, but the good news is that they’re completely silent and odorless. In fact, I’ve done it five times since I’ve been in your office, and you haven’t noticed a thing.” The doctor listens carefully, then writes out a prescription and hands it to the man. “Take these pills three times a day for a week and come back to see me.” A week later, the man returns to the doctor, looking irritated. “Doc, I don’t know what you gave me, but my problem is worse now! My gas is still silent, but it smells terrible!” The doctor nods and says, “Great, that means the pills are working. Now that we’ve cleared up your sinuses, let’s work on your hearing.”